A few years ago, women could get away with a top drawer full of basic cotton knickers and bras. Not any more. Female underwear has entered a renaissance akin only to the Rococo period. Fashion dictates that we should be showing off glimpses of the fanciest fabrics every time we raise our arms or bend over in our jeans. Neutral and bland is for interior design only. Fortunately the old-fashioned lingerie shop in Cliffe is under new management so we can now buy basques and camisoles every day. Oyster has opened. It’s a sensory delight. A boudoir filled with the most exquisite lingerie and accessories you have ever seen outside of Agent Provocateur. I could lie on their chaise-longue for an hour every day and just gaze at all the ribbons, silk, satin, chiffon and lace in designs by top end labels such as Myla and Madame V. Expensive is the word at Oyster in every way and the term PERFECT PRESENT fits too.

This underwear revolution is fine for us girls, but what I want to know is what about the guys? Their pant options are either bad or truly awful: Cotton boxers with an elasticated waistband which look like mini skirts; Jersey boxers (too army-thermal); Thongs (too gay); Briefs (too female); Y-fronts (too old fogey). So what should a modern bloke wear? The situation has reached crisis point. A major international fashion summit should be held to address the problem and soon. JW