The phone rang. I picked it up.
‘Hello.’
It was a woman’s voice. She said she was calling from one of the power companies. I sat there, feeling malevolent and edgy. I suppose it’s not their fault, but people who call you and say they’re from one of the power companies don’t exactly quicken the pulse, do they? I mean, when you hear the phone ringing, you’re always hoping for something else, aren’t you?
Maybe I was in a bad mood. The woman started asking me questions about a meter. Then she moved on to other questions. When would I be at home? That sort of thing.
I didn’t like the tone of the conversation. For a start, I’ve been getting nuisance calls lately. People call you and leave a message. The message is that you have to call them and pick up another message. When you call, they leave you on hold, at a premium rate. After a while, you realise it’s a scam, that you’ve lost a tenner.
And people keep calling me with recorded messages.
And people keep offering me free stuff that turns out not to be free at all.
I said, ‘You want to know when I’ll be at home, do you? Well, why don’t I just leave the key under the mat?’
‘What?’
‘Why don’t I just give you my credit card number and all my details? You’re a scammer, aren’t you?’
‘I’m not,’ she said. ‘We’ve got an office in Wigan.’
I said, ‘Bye.’ I hung up.
I thought: ‘an office in Wigan. Hah!’
I glared at the phone. I thought: that’s the problem with scamming. It’s the honest people who suffer. Like me. And that poor woman in Wigan. To whom I apologise.